I’ve been thinking a lot recently about how many aspects of life serve as an immense strain and burden on some people but not others (like, at all) and how fucking unfair it is that this isn’t more widely understood and accepted.
The opposite of struggle isn’t perfect willpower. It’s simply lack of a struggle in the first place.
But somehow we assume that it’s the people who succeed handily and without major effort who are deserving of praise? Why??!?
People with ADHD can have immense difficulty overcoming inertia and distraction to Just Go Do The Thing(tm), facing not a simple disinterest in doing the task, but a full-on crisis state where it’s all they can think about. People who struggle with weight can have their mind tuned to a constant food-and-weight-noise channel at all times, occasionally punctuated by the judgmental comments of others, treated like they’ve made poor choices rather than face medical issues or busted metabolisms. People with anxiety might struggle so badly with phone calls or social situations or facing particular fears or circumstances to the point where their safety, their happiness, their survival comes into question.
Stop giving people credit for things which come easily, who fucking cares??? Oh good job you’re always at the gym! Well, except for most people the gym is actually fun and fulfilling, and that’s why people make time for it. I’m not going to be impressed that you’re following what your calendar says. I’ll be impressed and supportive of the person who really struggles to go, or is going to physical therapy appointments, or rehabilitating an injury, and ISN’T enjoying the process. You don’t need my encouragement to do things you love, and most of us love at least a few physical pursuits. Oh, and you don’t have any complaints about your weight or any symptoms of an eating disorder, and your weight only fluctuates by maybe 10-15 pounds ever? Well, uh, good for you? It’s just, you’ve got 3 million+ years of instinct and internal structures designed to eat a varied diet to stay near a built-in set point. Toddlers can feed themselves, too. It’s when those instincts get overridden or signals confused or the body starts sending mixed messages or loses track of that set point that the difficulty level absolutely skyrockets, and people living on hardcore mode should always have our support. Oh, you simply don’t mind speaking in public or visiting new places? You practiced a bit and now you’re able to just do the things? Cool?? What do you want me to say? Good job not being ill? Excellent lack of childhood trauma?
Now, the people who find good systems for themselves, or who don’t give up, or who learn to love things about themselves EVEN THOUGH they have grown and lived in this weird world where we give credit where none is actually due. Where people who seem happy are happy not because they don’t have reason to worry, but because they simply are wired not to do so? Where people get blamed for their own illnesses as though they’re in control of them? The people who just keep moving, make it work, or don’t want to struggle every minute and just live their lives as best they can? THOSE people kick ass. You’re fucking rock stars. You deserve all the good things. You deserve that ease once in awhile, too.
Stop comparing yourself to the people coasting. Fuck them. If we have to walk uphill, we’ll do it together.