bad pep talks – Eviscerating Day

I’m one of those people who makes usable things only when my mind is flipped on and tuned to a very specific channel. Often for good reasons, like breathless laughter or an uncharacteristic bout of evil glee, but just as often because something is gnawing on me. It’s never “hmm I think I’ll have a cup of tea and work on my values study.” That would be nice, but it’s just not how I work. That’s just practice. For a finished piece I care about and will go through the effort to try to make perfectly, a switch needs to flip.

The absolute best switch to flip, and I will recommend this to anyone, is when you think about an idea and you’re not sure, and maybe you’re feeling a little muddled, or you are overthinking it, and suddenly you just feel this welling up in your chest and you say “fuck it.”

Two women in the desert ready to smash small TVs with sledgehammers

That’s the cue. You’ve only got a minute or two. Swap out whatever crummy supplies you have been toying with and pull in the good stuff. Get yourself ready to record audio, or flip on the lights, or break out the camera, or grab the palette knife because whatever your next move is, it needs to be archival quality. You’re going to want to save it. It might not be something you can market and sell. It might not be something you can even finish. But it’s time to preserve whatever you’re about to do so that you can hit that state over and over again, getting faster and freer with your inspiration and smoothing your own way.

This is why you learn your craft, build your skill, study your technique. This is why you stock your materials. This is why when you realize you really like the texture or look of something or a turn of phrase you came up with some day, you should make sure it’s accessible again, that you understand it, that you’re ready to shape it. Because instead of an eventual product, you’re about to make something wild and wonderful, and the benefit of professional experience is how quickly and clearly you’re going to translate that passing momentary desire to make EXACTLY what you’re imagining into an actual finished piece. When you know how to plot out a novel of a particular length and can just start writing into a familiar structure, and when you know exactly the bottle of glimmering blue ink you want to feature, and when you have a comfortable place to work and can clear your schedule and just CREATE something, you’re ready for this moment.

Because the secret, unspoken whole phrase is actually “fuck it, today I’m going to make what *I* want.” There’s no more powerful form of inspiration than the chance to just will something into existence one day which would otherwise never be.

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about how many aspects of life serve as an immense strain and burden on some people but not others (like, at all) and how fucking unfair it is that this isn’t more widely understood and accepted.

The opposite of struggle isn’t perfect willpower. It’s simply lack of a struggle in the first place.

But somehow we assume that it’s the people who succeed handily and without major effort who are deserving of praise? Why??!?

People with ADHD can have immense difficulty overcoming inertia and distraction to Just Go Do The Thing(tm), facing not a simple disinterest in doing the task, but a full-on crisis state where it’s all they can think about. People who struggle with weight can have their mind tuned to a constant food-and-weight-noise channel at all times, occasionally punctuated by the judgmental comments of others, treated like they’ve made poor choices rather than face medical issues or busted metabolisms. People with anxiety might struggle so badly with phone calls or social situations or facing particular fears or circumstances to the point where their safety, their happiness, their survival comes into question.

Man who has been thrown by a kicking horse, surrounded by dust from its hooves

Stop giving people credit for things which come easily, who fucking cares??? Oh good job you’re always at the gym! Well, except for most people the gym is actually fun and fulfilling, and that’s why people make time for it. I’m not going to be impressed that you’re following what your calendar says. I’ll be impressed and supportive of the person who really struggles to go, or is going to physical therapy appointments, or rehabilitating an injury, and ISN’T enjoying the process. You don’t need my encouragement to do things you love, and most of us love at least a few physical pursuits. Oh, and you don’t have any complaints about your weight or any symptoms of an eating disorder, and your weight only fluctuates by maybe 10-15 pounds ever? Well, uh, good for you? It’s just, you’ve got 3 million+ years of instinct and internal structures designed to eat a varied diet to stay near a built-in set point. Toddlers can feed themselves, too. It’s when those instincts get overridden or signals confused or the body starts sending mixed messages or loses track of that set point that the difficulty level absolutely skyrockets, and people living on hardcore mode should always have our support. Oh, you simply don’t mind speaking in public or visiting new places? You practiced a bit and now you’re able to just do the things? Cool?? What do you want me to say? Good job not being ill? Excellent lack of childhood trauma?

Now, the people who find good systems for themselves, or who don’t give up, or who learn to love things about themselves EVEN THOUGH they have grown and lived in this weird world where we give credit where none is actually due. Where people who seem happy are happy not because they don’t have reason to worry, but because they simply are wired not to do so? Where people get blamed for their own illnesses as though they’re in control of them? The people who just keep moving, make it work, or don’t want to struggle every minute and just live their lives as best they can? THOSE people kick ass. You’re fucking rock stars. You deserve all the good things. You deserve that ease once in awhile, too.

Stop comparing yourself to the people coasting. Fuck them. If we have to walk uphill, we’ll do it together.

Tag: bad pep talks

the creative power of “fuck it”

please stop applauding people for lack of effort